(Note: I totally love when I’m meditating on what needs to be shared with people to help for the week ahead, and the guides are like ‘tell them about the time things went shit for you’! Thanks, jerks. 🙂 )
I don’t profess to be a guru on manifestation, Law of Attraction (as a wise friend once said, take what works from it and leave the rest!) or motivational pump-up quotes, but I have a wee story from this past week that I thought I would share as it perfectly demonstrates the way that manifestation of our dreams and goals, usually goes down. We’ve just passed through a Chiron-infused Full Moon Eclipse and Mercury Retrograde ongoing and so a lot of us are feeling minutely drawn to examine where we think we’ve stuffed up, in great and awful detail. So- take heart if you feel a bit lost in the jungle this week.
Two months ago, during the new moon, I wrote a list of things I hoped to manifest within a year. There’s a few too personal to share, but three of them included:
A) Having X amount of savings for a car deposit. I had been without a car for some time and it was starting to drive me crazy; however, with the amount of bills that I had for the house, website, courses of study, visas and immigration – I had absolutely no idea where those savings would come from. I wrote it, anyway.
B) A beautiful, peaceful house in the hills but walking distance to a beach, that would feel good to do my work, wasn’t insanely expensive, and sharing with someone who wasn’t in the habit of drunken benders and bringing parasitic strangers home at 3am on a Tuesday. I was moving in with a good acquaintance, so that seemed more or less set in stone already! Easy peasy, right?
C) Giving up meat and dairy. Coming from a meat-and-cheese-loving culture, I had set myself a year to slowly do this as I figured it was going to include loads of personal torture and craving-induced freakouts.
When I wrote these, I was in a strong and powerfully peaceful place from meditation, I felt aligned with the things I wanted to manifest and felt strongly that I had energetic support on my side. So in other words, we were good to go and it was all going to unfold perfectly!
Then this happened.
Within a day of me giving up my apartment in the city and moving cross-country, my landlord let me know that the new house I had moved into was being sold and that I would have to move again in September. Stressful, and not in my plans, but okay. Then it transpired that they had also disconnected the phone and internet so in order to book, send or Skype readings and sessions, I was going to have to use my mobile data while standing on a table for reception! (This I did for three weeks and it was as ridiculous, difficult and expensive as it sounds).
When I arrived, the heating was broken and the house in more disrepair than I had been told. The vibe of the house was ‘off’ too; my housemate was having a series of dramatic personal crises, medicating the Irish way and then suddenly moved out overnight in a huff as I discovered when waking up to a gentleman emptying the house of furniture one morning, meaning I now had less than seven days left.
Every real estate that I visited told me that their books were empty of rentals until the end of Summer and I was all out of options. And just as I had resigned myself to having to move back to the expensive city: my main bank account was inexplicably, suddenly frozen and, ah, actually? That thing that 99% of my money was in? Untouchable. As in, I was still getting paid but was barred from accessing any of my money through some kind of international-tax-computer-corporate-glitch. So, no house, no cash, no options that I could see. Helloooo Universe this wasn’t what we had planned! I did all the right things! What are you doing?
Everything had gone from ‘meant to be’ to ‘seriously fookin pear-shaped’ so quickly that I realised that I was being shifted from one path to another and in a somewhat panicked meditation, got the message that there was a lesson in here about not letting ego and pride in ‘everything works perfectly when it’s meant to be’ get in the way. I was hit with a brief wave of calm during the meditation and informed that what was going on, was far beyond my teeny perception and just to go with it and trust. But I was furious at myself, for going from expensive-but-handy-city-apartment to crap-house-in-the-middle-of-nowhere while still burning through finances with absolutely nothing new to show for it! Whenever I tuned into the things I had written, they still felt right… so why wasn’t it happening the way I thought?
One of the bright spots of this tumultuous few weeks was meeting a girl who I’d totally clicked with – think seriously funny and switched-on, earthy, positive Virgo. And after this meditation session, I had a vulnerably (oooh how we Earth signs hate that) honest chat/venting session with her about the recent chaos and it transpired that she knew of: A beautiful house in the hills, nearby, where the housemate was trying to find someone peaceful and good-vibing who wasn’t a massive drinker and rager – not easy in a college town. It hadn’t been advertised or even talked about for that reason. (Enter, me, stage left!)
And so, within a week, I was in the lovely home space that I had written as a pipe dream on my manifestation list. In the same town, but looking over the hills and a ten minute walk to the beach. The synchronicities between us both actually made me laugh – we owned the same incense, identical matching towels and even the same perfume. It also came out that the fab housemate was vegan and so had the lowdown on all the dairy-free goodies in shops, foody inspiration and even the best local vegetarian takeaways. Within two days, I had ditched the meat and dairy and have physically felt amazing ever since, with no cravings, crashes or concerns. The rent was sane as well, which meant it was possible to cover it, groceries and bills with my remaining coins even though my bank account was still inexplicably blocked. All in all, it had worked out perfectly and quickly, and so much better than if I had tried to force through the pathway I originally thought laid ahead; tried to ‘make it work’. I look at the path that could have taken and feel like I dodged a bullet.
One morning recently I was in bed, kind of musing at the way that things always fall together even when it looks chaotic, when I got a call from my bank account manager to let me know that after eight weeks (!!) the glitch had been fixed and I was now able to actually withdraw money from my account. I checked my statement… and there to the cent, was the X amount of savings for my car, which two months of no access, had built up on its own.
Yesterday when I was vacuuming, I came across a paper on the floor that contained my manifestation list and the things I had hoped would come about within a year. As it turned out, one by one, all seven things had appeared two months after writing.
So I guess this is the thing about manifesting, about following your guidance or setting goals or dreams. It’s essential to have dreams…but also essential to know that our wee human perception of how we think things will or should unfold, is totally limited. And that there’s always a lesson or blessing to pick up from exactly where you are, even if it seems a place a million miles from where you want to be.
Being tuned into Consciousness is a reminder that – there is way more going on out there, than we think. When you take a single step towards something in your highest good, the universe rearranges itself to work around it. I think it’s arrogant to say ‘everything happens for a reason’, especially when it comes to things like illness! But: there is a reason, a blessing, a lesson, a gift, in everything. So LOVE your dream and nurture it but then… let it go, you know? There’s a mantra about not being attached to outcomes, but rather being attached to the highest possible good being served at all times.
After all, if we got what we wanted at the time that we wanted it, we’d all be married to our fourth-grade boyfriends. Or as Henry Ford (founder of the original mass-production Ford cars) once said, ‘If I had asked the people what they wanted, they’d have said faster horses’.
If you’re feeling off-path during this eclipse season… know that it’s just a re-routing towards (not further from) what you truly truly want. And there’s a gift for you within arm’s reach in your current situation, there always is. So flow and stay sane (ish!) the rest of this Mercury Retrograde week amigos x